Are we getting wiser or just older? Does it count as “wise” if you realize that you have so much more to learn? How does the whole “believing” play into it? And is there a better day than the one before your 29th birthday to mull those things over?
So. This is the last day before the last year of my twenties will start. And that deserves a little something. Like a piece of writing that came together with words full of gratitude and reflexion. Gratitude for the things I’ve learned, the moments I experienced, the people that walked – or still walk – besides me on that path called life. Reflectiveness on how my decisions, my experiences, my behaviour shape the direction I’m walking towards.
The pro and the brat
Over the past two years, I’ve found myself in places that I never thought I’d get to, bright ones and dark ones too. Neither the highest highs nor the lowest lows spared me. I found myself in situations that I handled like a pro while watching from the outside wondering “Who is that girl and how is she able to do that?”, but also in moments where I saw myself behaving like a stubborn child, oblivious to the right way, stuck in her own world. I’ve slowly come to accept that both of them, the pro and the brat, are part of me, pieces, fragments that were built up, shaped and carved by past experiences. Experiences, situations, incidents which left their mark on me. Their colorful print, and sometimes their scar.
I’ve slowly come to accept that both of them, the pro and the brat, are part of me, pieces, fragments that were built up from past experiences. Experiences, situations, incidents which left their mark on me. Their colorful print, and sometimes their scar.
Over the past years I started valuing things I’ve never cared for much, and obsessions which held me in their grip for years started to slowly let me go. I reached some of the peaks of my dreams, only to be standing on top once they turned into reality, and wondering if the only way forward is the way back down.
Looking forward, walking back
I dove into other people’s lives, foreigners and friends. I got to experience strange cultures, customs, habits and, that way, learned to appreciate the ways that dominated my upbringing. I left to chase the beauty of nature, and I found it in so many places – some of them completely unexpected: The turquoise-blue lagoons of the Philippines, the wild, green jungles of Borneo and Laos, the sandy white beaches of Australia’s coastlines – and, finally, the emerald hills of my own home country.
Looking far ahead is good, but sometimes looking to what’s close to you is even better. Moving forward is what keeps us flowing, but sometimes we need to walk backwards to find our forward path again.
I realized that looking far ahead is good, but sometimes looking at what’s close to you is even better. Moving forward is what keeps us flowing, but sometimes we first need to go back to find our forward path again. The pull, the draw to explore, to go somewhere new, to await the unexpected, it is still here, rooted deep inside of me. In my heart, I’m still a traveler. But my wandering has changed, has settled into a slower, more content pace. A pace that revealed itself only when I was ready to see it.
the thing with faith...
While I am far from “having it all figured out”, I’d like to think that I’ve recently come a little bit closer to figuring out how to figure it out. It’s all about learning, processing, drawing connections. About curiosity and about turning every single day into one that matters. And about believing: In yourself, in the things you do and the people you surround yourself with. Believing that if you lay your path, faith will guide your steps when you walk said path.
Life is about believing: In yourself, in the things you do and the people you surround yourself with. Believing that if you lay your path, faith will guide your steps when you walk it.
After all, life is a journey, and the real magic of a journey isn’t found in its destination. It lies in the stops one makes along the road. Tiny inns next to dusty lanes, big towns in the festive season, maybe even a place called home for a while. I’m looking back at the stops I made so far, and while I am usually not a person that makes resolutions, I think I will set one for the next, the last year before those twenties end: I will be more present, more focused, more grateful for those stops when they happen – while they happen, not when I’m looking back. More present while walking down the road, more focused on turning each day into one that counts. More grateful for the things that align. Because that’s a thing things in life usually do: If you have faith, they align.